Sunday, October 09, 2005

How they kill homos in Iran
First, catch them in the act; if that's impossible, accuse them. Bind their hands; transport to cranes. Allow enough time for family, friends and passersby to gather. Place noose over juvenile's head; signal crane operator. Slowly raise homosexual juvenile to a good height for 24 hour public viewing, less if demand is high. Quick, easy, no hand-wringing. The right thing is done, and poof. A nation cleansed.Homos are troubling wherever they're found because real men live in fear that people might someday find out that they had several homosexual experiences as they came into puberty. Most men played with other men's weenies as boys, behavior that stops in 88% of them the moment a girl becomes available, at which point they enter the grand mating dance that ends with 37 grandchildren and a shared slab of marble. Hard years between. Natural selection compels them to do their best not to merely be laid but to lay eggs of such quality that all the world will bow at the feet of their progeny. The sons and daughters of real men are the promise of the future because their fathers made them that way, chiseled them out of stone, same way they got this beautiful house, this lovely wife, and all the other things they possess. There's only one thing that could bring down the real man's purpose, and that's a boy's memory. Homos, therefore, aren't welcome round here.While male homosexuals have been vilified through most of recorded history, they did enjoy a few decades of being in fashion, here and there, followed by purges lasting centuries. Their female counterparts, meanwhile, are photographed and studied by all men behind closed doors, and women too. Is it fair? No, it's not. Not here. But it is in Iran.Iran executes more than its fair share of young women in the same manner and for a different sexual crime, adultery. The men are generally not hung for this offense, under the theory, perhaps, that they can't help it. Or perhaps because they wrote the rules.Testosterone is a bigoted and belligerant hormone that will not be denied for any reason, and it receives its best nourishment from fear.

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